That sounds pretty grim and I’m sorry it happened to you. Having to be strong for other people is damned tiring.

I’m no psychologist, but that sounds a lot like depression and if so, would explain why there’s little passion to be found at such a time. Certainly when I’ve had periods of clinical depression, life was pretty damned bleak for a while. As you say, you can’t chase happiness or force it to happen. Anti depressants helped me, but I found that they certainly didn’t encourage passion or enjoyment in anything as they takes away the highs as well as the lows.

Sounds like you’ve got a good partner and that’s half the battle. I hope things improve for you soon.

Interesting, thanks for sharing.

My father was also an amateur photographer who went professional - doing lots of weddings and events. He got quite frustrated with that too, even though this was back in the 70s. Even then, the customer usually had a strong view about what they wanted, which gave him little leeway to be creative - much as you describe. He also found getting paid at the end of the job really difficult, so much so the combination forced him to give it up, and that pretty much killed his love too. Sold most of his cameras and lenses and all his darkroom equipment.

I can understand that. I’ve always coded for fun (Basic, Turbo C, lots of psuedo languages, then perl, sql, php, python and so on) - learning that stuff is hard for me but very rewarding when I do. I actually find it harder to learn stuff at work, but it’s great to do at work too. I transfer skills between the two schools - and each has enough variation that whilst there’s technical and skill crossover, the headspace is very different - at least for me. But yes, if I’ve been doing that all day, I’ll do something else in the evening. I restored a car as a distraction from work once, but that was when I was in a job that I really hated.

High five for factorio mention. Incredible game, although I’m playing more Captain of Industry lately. Different but similar brain scratching.

Oh, that sounds brutal. Sorry.

Companies are already using AI to generate their own versions of expensive proprietary software (Triggered no doubt by https://developers.slashdot.org/story/25/09/29/1733238/new-claude-model-runs-30-hour-marathon-to-create-11000-line-slack-clone - a project that is entirely closed source)

As prompt engineering gets better and more reliable, why wouldn’t they? And honestly, I’d cheer. Commercial software pricing is so blatantly predatory (We won’t give you a price until you tell us who you are so we can charge you what we think you can pay, rather than what it’s worth) that skipping it entirely is a no brainer if you have some in-house support.

That’s sad to hear.

I feel you. I’m much more productive working from home with fewer distractions, but I’m a little luckier in that I get to split that time.

Yes, it can definitely do that. You have to be extremely firm with yourself about boundary creep but even then, the temptation to check in on the business side when you’re supposed to be off is big.

Any arts store or online you can get a sheet of dark coloured stickers for cheaps that have become essential in modern life. Quick, easy, removable. Even on nova-quality LEDs where light still escapes, you can double up.

On several over-bright backlit LCD screens, where I still need to read the info, I create a simple hinge with thin cardboard and a short strip of sticky tape. Cardboard flaps down but can be lifted up to see the info.

I have a sheet of dark coloured stickers specifically for this task.

God, you must be even older than I am! We did Basic at school, and our teacher showed us punch cards, and tape, but we never actually used them - BBC B’s being the tool of that time. Those were great times - genuinely pushing the boundaries of the possible, spending hours hand optimising code to save a few bytes or cycles, all with only printed manuals as reference. Understood about corporate structure, and for me also, some individuals can really affect the subject (I detest rudeness in particular)

Oof, that must have been brutal. I understand the satisfaction and still try to recognise and store up the good days, but something like Covid is a blindsider that took so many businesses out.

Hospitality here in the UK suffered hugely, even to the extent that the government created an ill-founded system called “eat out to help out” and paid people to eat at restaurants. (And did cause more spreading of the virus). I’m lucky to live close to several good food pubs, but they’re still struggling and gradually closing as costs rise.

Mmm, but they also say to keep your work and personal life separate.

That’s really interesting, and sad to lose an interest for a while. Do you remember what triggered the shift to hating it? Movies themselves, or the internship and environment of that, so closely associated with the subject?

That could be a valid point and I certainly appreciate the value in a clear separation. It’s been my hobby since 1981 when I got my first computer, and aside from a poor six months working in a support job in the 90s, it’s only been my main career for 7 or 8 years. My colleagues are a mixture of those who like to selfhost and fiddle in their spare time too, and those who actively avoid technology.

Yes, definitely - and perhaps I should have including that as I think I was also asking, “Can work kill that passion”?

So your job is cooking?

Basically it’s the different challenges at home vs. the daily grind that make the difference for me.

That makes a lot of sense. A lot of the ‘stress’ of my job comes from people - asking permission, considering stakeholders, working around their needs - that it’s quite freeing to “JFDI” something, knowing that it’s only me that cares or is affected.

The venn diagram between “work” and “play” for me has a lot of intersecting area, but the distinctions are mostly clear. Guessing it’s the same for you - especially with the extra depth that cooking for family involves.

Thanks for your experience. I’ve certainly felt like that at times, and some nights definitely don’t want to do it - so then I turn to other hobbies that aren’t related, but I keep coming back to it.

Individual consequences, maybe, but not for some time. Consequences require law. The USA has made one person untouchable by law who can override any action without consequence, and they have misused that literally hundreds or thousands of times in freeing others convicted by court and jury. To quote Martin Luther King, “True peace is not merely the absence of tension: it is the presence of justice.” and “It is not possible to be in favor of justice for some people and not be in favor of justice for all people.” The USA does not have a working justice system. (And given how many apparently guilty people have walked free because they are rich in the past, possibly never has)

As a nation: The US has already weakened itself significantly in just a year, both nationally and internationally. Every historical ally the US had has been repeatedly abused and ridiculed by the person they chose to represent them. The damage from this will take decades to heal, if ever.

What it’s really exposed is how weak America’s much celebrated democracy is. That it can be subverted by a small minority who have systematically removed all effective opposition is surprising, and has made other democracies thoughtfully consider their own systems. The internet and social media has played a big part in this - we’ve seen tools of tribalism and hate used many times before, but never at such scale and speed as is possible now, and it’s caught the entire world unprepared.

Cheap and good: Cloudflare (they sell domains at cost, you won’t find anywhere cheaper unless they’re loss-leading) Currently the best choice, imo. API is useful for DNS01 Letsencrypt certs, with plugins for lots of software. Only downside is you can’t use a third party nameserver without paying extra, but I’ve never found that necessary.

Ok and good: I’ve been pleased with Gandi and Joker in the past. Both are also not-US based, if that’s important to you.

Privacy: Not sure what’s exposed with a domain registrar. You have to give an owner’s detail for any domain, but that’s hidden from public whois now.

If you mean untraceable - well, I dunno. You don’t need to prove that identity for anything other that .gov type domains, afaik, so I guess disposable email (but not that disposable, as lose that and you lose the domain) and pay by crypto.

Shitlist: GoDaddy for all the well published reasons. Had some problems with Fastnet in the past too. In both cases I was able to transfer domains away successfully.

(Experience: Personal. I’ve been registering, transferring and working with domains for over 20 years. Not full time, nor at huge scale.)