Each day that goes by, I realize more and more how much of a favor Reddit did for me by banning me permanently.

This headline has it all; cheerleading, pickleball, MTV’s Dan Cortese…

Kids getting bombed in their schools, but won’t someone please think of the tech companies and their pet projects that no one asked for??

60 percent of the time, it works every time.

Oh good, someone is happy at least.

No, they’ll probably come out with a coroners report that says he died fighting off 1,000 illegal immigrants from Somalia, led by Ilhan Omar. That’ll be accompanied by some shitty AI picture of Trump with rippling abs, wielding two rifles and a prominent cock bulge. When in reality, he’ll have died on the toilet, choking on a Big Mac he was eating while taking a shit.

I get a good laugh. And Vance becomes president, and because he has all the charisma of a generic can of tomato soup, MAGA officially collapses on itself, and then we get free entertainment watching a bunch of red-hatted apes fling shit at each other.

Please. Just. Fucking. Die.

Nah, couldn’t be him. He got cancelled.

I too have figured out teleportation. All it takes is for me to consume a bottle of tequila, and I wake up some time later in a dumpster outside of a Wal Mart. Two things I have yet to figure out; why is it always a dumpster outside Wal Mart? And why do I always lose my pants when passing through the quantum realm? Who, or what, is stealing my pants?

Sometimes I really wish I had the time and energy to get in on this grift. These dumbfucks are the easiest people on the planet to rob. I just need a truckload full of shitty, Chinese made MAGA merch and a stand at some county fair, and I’d be fucking rich. Unfortunately, I have no desire whatsoever to be associated in any way with these fascist shit stains. The money is just not worth having that stench rub off on me.

Billionaires literally serve no purpose to society. At all. Just black holes where money disappears and never sees the light of day again. And that money comes from us. Taxing them is the absolute kindest thing we could do to these robbing pieces of fucking shit. I can definitely think of even bolder ways of solving the billionaire problem. We’ll just call it the “French method.”

I hate these fucking people so much.

Well, my point that the stroke is not to blame for his behavior in office still stands at least.

I’d much prefer a massive heart attack during one of his dumbass rallies. Kills him instantly while collapsing at the podium. His poorly fitted pants falling down as he falls face first into the ground. The sound of his death shits rattling through a mostly empty arena, and red hatted supporters behind him are sprayed by copious amounts of McDonalds and Diet Coke fueled diarrhea. He’ll probably fucking die on the toilet, but I can dream for a moment like this, can’t I?

How many dicks in the federal government have been blown by Erika Kirk at this point?

I know everyone points to his stroke as the reason why he behaves this way today, but I sure as hell remember him still being a reasonable human being between the time of his stroke and being elected. I think it’s just a convenient excuse to cover up the fact that he’s been either been bought out by AIPAC, or was a GOP plant all along. Either way, I wish people would stop bringing up the stroke as the reason he’s such a fuckwad today.

It should be noted that the last two judicial races weren’t even close. The liberal candidates absolutely trounced the conservative. The last one came just months after Trump “won” in Wisconsin in 2024. Yes, I am absolutely insinuating something with those quotation marks.

Why would Joe Biden do this?

Markwayne Jimbob Cooterbilly done did a bad thing. YEEHAW (which is also his brother’s name).